YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
