I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
