So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
