I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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