Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
