I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
