My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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