i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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