I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
