During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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