youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
