I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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