so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
