At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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