After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
