walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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