Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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