Umm I'm too high to move.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
