Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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