i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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