I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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