I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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