I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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