do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
