I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
