I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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