Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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