My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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