There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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