Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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