I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
