he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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Still dying that you shit outside
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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