So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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