i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
