I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize