I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
