he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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