remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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