Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
