When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
