some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
