is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
