Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
