dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
