I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
