Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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