Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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