So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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