I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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