got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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