I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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