using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
