remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
