I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
