Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
