Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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