that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish i was in the wii world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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