dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
