I want to walk on stilts...naked
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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