Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
