i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please come you make the beer taste better
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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