We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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