is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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