I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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