is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
