Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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