Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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