If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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