she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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